5.26.2010

The ABC's of Parenting - part 2

A few weeks after publishing part I of this parenting seminar, I was already done with this second part. But by some freakish accident, while editing, I pressed something and the whole article (save for the last 2 slides and intro) was erased! Then Blogger 'Saved' automatically before I can "Undo" and realize what just happened. Aaarrrgh!!! And you know what's worse? ALL the slides from the talk were already trashed during a "clean-up" procedure of my hard disk that same week I was editing!

Image by Lindsey Combs Photography

You can't imagine my frustration. Re-writing was such a chore so this one was sitting in 'Drafts' for the longest time. Honestly, I was hesitant to release this part 2, but I thought it is quite rare to have an opportunity to listen and learn from industry experts. And I owe it to you, my dear readers, that I finish what I started on this presentation by one of the most distinguished child development specialists in the country, held last November (yes, 2009) at my son's preschool.

The first part covered "A to I". As much as I wanted to share the rest of "J to Z" in detail, I have to make do with my notes, with what I've learned, and dig deep into what's left of those valuable info from my now rusty memory of that day. It's now or never. So without further delay, here's part 2 of that very educational talk on parenting:


The A-B-C's of Parenting
Talk and slide presentation by Dr. Francis Xavier Dimalanta, M.D.
General Pediatrics & Child Development Specialist


J
JUST BE HONEST
Being honest with your child teaches them about integrity and respect for truth.  
Be open and share your day with them, and make an effort to know how they feel.

For me, this is one of the most important virtues -- the foundation of trust.  With my children, even the smallest excuse would create trust issues for us that would later backfire. It is very difficult to be straightforward with them at all times, but slowly, we are learning how to deal and break it to them gently.

K
KNOW YOUR CHILD
Be an involved parent.
Know where your child is, what he is doing and who is he with.
The doctor stressed the importance of communication and cited that parents should engage their children in conversations.  This will lead to enabling the children make good judgment and decisions in life.

L
LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART
Stop, listen, and get eye to eye with your child.

Listen to what your child wants and what they complain about.  If they feel acknowledged, they will also listen to you. Try to answer their questions appropriately and "interact, don't react".

M
MODEL GOOD BEHAVIOR
Children learn from adults, parents being their primary role models.
Try to create a set of rules for everything, and find positive role models they can emulate.

N
NOT TO EXPECT PERFECTION
Do not make the child feel like a failure.
Take off the pressure to be perfect and provide encouragement in every effort, whether successful or not.

O
OBSERVE AND LEARN
Pay close attention to your child and know when to let go or hold on.

Know how your child interacts with other people, young or old.  By doing so, parents can properly address different situations the child will be involved in.

P
PRAISE YOUR CHILD
Be generous with praises. Be specific.

"Good job!" is okay, "Your stick figure looks cool, great work!" is better. Recognize good behavior and acts of kindness with compliments.


Q
QUESTION YOUR INTENTION
When teaching or reprimanding a child, ask yourself these questions:
Is it done out of love?  Does is prove a point? Does it correct a wrongdoing?

It takes a lot of effort to be very conscious with what I say or do especially when I reprimand my kids. I am guilty of acting, and talking on impulse which I can never take back.  And this have caused some levels of emotional stress on my kids in the past. Everyday is a struggle and a learning process.

R
RESPECT

Parents demand it. But more often, we tend to forget how to show respect for the child's needs, opinions and emotions. Parents also have to earn respect from their children. It's always a two-way street.

The doctor also said, children tend to treat others the way they are being treated a home. An example:  The 'bully' in school is being bullied at home.

RELAX TOGETHER
Allow some "down time" for your and your kids.

S
SET GOALS FOR YOUR CHILD

Discuss realistic expectations with your child, matched with his capabilities, and this will enable him to accomplish the task at hand or work toward a long-term goal.
SMILE

Lift up your spirits. Bring positive energy between you and your child with just a simple smile, everyday.

T
Spend TIME WITH YOUR CHILD
 Quantity and quality time are equally important.

The balancing act is difficult. Find what works for your family and stick to the plan.
 

U
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

There's a (funny) saying that "this is a face only a mother could love".  Whoever or whatever your child will become, parents should express unconditional love for your child.

As every child is unique, learn to adapt parenting skills for each one, especially among siblings.  One valuable lesson I learned from this talk, when it comes to discipline, is to take out the burden from the older child not to "hit" the younger one. Instead, reprimand or remove the smaller one out of the conflict or situation.
V
VALUE TOUCH

Just like a smile each day, holding hands or a warm embrace can express love, assurance, security and comfort without saying a word.

W
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

Encouraging words of appreciation will boost your child's confidence and self-esteem, knowing that their deeds and actions are being acknowledged. This will motivate them to strive harder and always do better.

X
eXPECT THE BEST

Set high standards to encourage children to give their best in every situation.  Remain positive with whatever outcome and maintain an optimistic attitude.

Y
YOU ARE EVERYTHING to your child

Children look up to their parents as their heroes, especially for the younger ones. Their world revolves around you. It is the parent's responsibility to let the child believe in himself and be the best he can be, knowing you will always be there for him.

However, the doc reminded that being in the center of your child's universe should not hold you down from spending some quiet time with your spouse.  A happy marriage is key to good parenting.

Z
(I totally missed this one, sorry!)




The talk has been an eye-opener and so inspiring for us to be better parents to our children. As I always say, there are no perfect parents, and parenting is a work in progress. I am grateful to our esteemed speaker, as well as to the PTA and DML sisters who organized and hosted the lecture.
Despite the case of the missing slides, I do hope you were able to pick up a thing or two from this concluding part, and, even in a small way, enlighten parents on how to better raise your child.

Learn from part 1 here:
The ABC's of Parenting - part 1


Francis Xavier Dimalanta, MD
General Pediatrics and Child Development Specialist
Suite 208 Medical Arts Building
St. Luke's Medical Center
279 E. Rodriguez Sr. Blvd. Quezon City
Clinic Hours:  Monday to Saturday, by appointment.
Tel. (632) 726-2578
Trunk Line: (632) 723-0301 local 6208
Email:  fxdimalanta@gmail.com


Read my previous seminar post on:
Wellness and Nutrition, a 4-part series


Photo Credits:
Top photo from Lindsey Combs Photography

8 comments :

  1. Hi! I just read in your posts that Dr. Dimalanta is your son's pediatrician. I've met Dr. Dimalanta for my work with Tomatis. I've written about my Tomatis experience here, http://these3boys.wordpress.com/tomatis/. Perhaps you would be interested in your son trying out the Tomatis program. If you are interested please get in touch with me at ronevalles@yahoo.com. Thanks!

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  2. Z is for zzzzz...get kids enough rest so we can regroup after a day of parenting?? LOL! Great tips!

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  3. Funny that my word verification is "iness"

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  4. Yes, while we always have the best intentions at heart it doesn't always go the way we like it. Thanks for this reminder. :)

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  5. great topic, everything here is true. thanks for sharing =)

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  6. Rone - Thanks so much, will keep in touch!

    Jen - You're right! I think it was 'Zzzzz' that I missed! We need to let our kids sleep at least 8 to 10 hours for their growth and development.

    Tina - I agree. It's really frustrating at times and I also need to be reminded of these things when the going gets tough!

    Karen - You're welcome. This is also a reality check for me :)

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  7. Hello! my first time here... :) You got a very interesting site! :D hope you can visit me at http://www.mommyjourney.com and join us on Mommy Moments on Fridays! :D

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  8. Chris - Thanks for visiting! Dropped by your site na, cool...lots of things happening there and thanks for the invite, will try to join your MM though I have a regular Friday sched here :)

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I appreciate your thoughts on this post. Thanks and do visit again!