"Self-esteem of a parent affects the self-esteem of the child." - Coach Pia Acevedo
In our previous #BetterMe session with the SoMoms, we discussed parenting as a team where we had to analyze our own parenting styles and assess how we have have matured as a parent. One of the main indicators is learning to provide a healthy space for your child to develop into the best individual they can be (and not a shadow of what the parents need and want). As a follow up to that topic, here are ways on how to boost our kids' self-esteem.
As with our past sessions with Coach Pia, I got information overload - so many learnings and realizations about kids and parenting. I'll share the slides below and my take-away from yet another enlightening and interesting talk about how to build the self-esteem of our kids.
I find it difficult to accurately gauge the level of self-esteem my kids have. There are instances when they feel confident and sure of themselves, and sometimes they show a defeatist attitude. But I realized that we all know our own strengths where we can shine, which in turn boost our self-esteem, and vise versa.
What are the indicators of low self-esteem?
- Passing the blame
What is the parent's level of SE?
"Whoever is raising the child exposes their own self-esteem rating to the child."
Building the Self-Esteem of Children
A. Learning My Child's Specific Needs
- Connect with each child to meet their needs, not yours - don't take criticisms to your child personally, it should not reflect on you as a parent
- Provide a loving and secure environment, nurturing, supportive, non-judgmental, stable, predictable - how you react to your environment is how your child will react
- Problem Solver vs. Presence Giver
I am currently a combination of both, but the goal is to be a Presence-Giver. This will allow the child to feel understood, recognized, and secure, which will help in building self-esteem.
The Presence Giver's objective is always addressing the needs, feelings, and interests of the child first and not feeding own needs.
B. Understanding the Needs of Each of My Children
Analyze the framework below and you may just find yourself having some of the manifestations in the Index of Suspicion - where at one point in the Life Stage, our needs were not met or addressed when we were younger, thus experiencing some challenges as adults.
Now that my kids are of school age, we've already passed half of the stage and I think we were late in providing them opportunities to be more independent and purposeful. But I think we're catching up, especially after not having a yaya anymore.
C. How to Maximize Time and Effort with Each Child
- Allow one-on-one time - i.e. set solo dates with each child; share an activity together and it does not have to take place outside the home
- Spend at least 30 minutes of quality time per child - time to do what the child wants to do
This is actually hard for me - the activity and not the time. Honestly, they are at a difficult stage where they are fickle, not sure of what they like to do or pursue as hobby, or too many likes and wants, even with playtime. They are very techie, playing will all kinds of gadgets, mainly due to J, who introduced them to technology early on. He can really play with them and knows how to entertain and have fun. I, on the other hand, am not into gadgets and video games. I cannot actively participate. It's hard, BUT I HAVE TO. As Coach Pia said, I have to do what they like to do, even if I don't want to. Indulging them in their interests will show that you give importance to them and to their interests, and makes them feel more open to sharing with parents.
What struck you most from the presentation?
I hope you learned a thing or two from this presentation to build your kid's self-esteem. Remember, it starts with us!
At the end of the talk, my fellow moms and I were all tasked to create a scrapbook page on what we learned from the talk. And with the beautifully printed materials thanks to our sponsor, HP Deskjet Ink Advantage, there were three lucky SoMoms who took home a brand new high-tech printer each! Will post the album on Facebook next.
Their new e-all-in-one printers can print from anywhere - using the smartphone, tablet, email, with the HP Printer Control app. For moms, you can also create projects with templates and designs!
It also has automatic two-sided printing, which saves time and paper when printing.
Here we are with our creations (mine is not blog-worthy, hahahaha) all hoping to achieve a #BetterMe for our children, thanks to Coach Pia, with the support of HP Deskjet Ink Advantage.
Learn more about making better life decisions, for you and for your family. Check out: www.facebook.com/TheOneCORE
Get the latest updates on new printers, and promos from HP: www.facebook.com/HPphilippines
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